#22 Book Update 01-A New Experiment
Sneak peek into my book writing process
Hey there!
It’s been a long time since my last issue. I did not quit writing! In fact, I’ve been writing almost every day, about 5000+ words every week, for my Chinese memoir. It’s a memoir that tells the story of:
How I perceived who I am after living back and forth between Taiwan and US several times
Quitting my tech job, becoming a personal trainer, creating and abandoning my podcast that has 95k downloads in the first year ( and now restarting again!)
Meeting my lifelong partner Pauli and our nomadic journey during the pandemic
Exploring writing as a way of healing
Becoming a mother.
I felt accomplished for my book progress but isolated from my online community, because most of my creative output is in that one Google doc I have! At the same time, I’ve been documenting my writing process on Seth Goldin’s Brainstorm Road community. I thought, why not share it in my newsletter, too?
So… I came up with this idea:
I will share how much I write, a tiny reflection of my writing process every week, and a snippet of what I write until I finish my first draft (or publish the book!). It will be a fun experiment for me, a way to document this book writing and publishing process, and maybe get some unexpected Chinese readers along the way :P
So this is my progress this week:
How much I wrote this week:
I understand that the felt-good quantitative measure of word counts for the first draft is negligible in terms of its relation to the final draft. But I found out this is how I felt most encouraged to keep me going when there’s no substantial thing I can celebrate with. I started doing this beginning this year. If you are curious, this is what it looks like.
Timeline for the next six months
I had a call with a publisher interested in publishing my book a few weeks ago. At that time, I told them the first draft should be done by early March. However, after calculating how much I needed to write in order to meet the deadline I set for myself, I realized I might be way overpromising.
The left column shows that if I want to submit my draft by March and publish it by June, I need to write 3k words a day, 15k words a week. That means spending 3 uninterrupted hours on writing every day, 3 times what I did for the past 3 months! (So many 3s lol)
The right column is if I’m on my current rhythem, dedicated but not burnout style, I will finish my book in June, and hopefully publish by August.
Note that this estimation is also unreasonable. I’ve written 60k words, which is more than enough for a 300-page book in Chinese! This 6-month plan is a project of me writing another 60k words for the book's second half (total 120k words!)!
I’m 100% sure I’m overwriting right now. I was in a dilemma- I could either:
(1) Write everything I want to write, either in a likely-burnout style to meet the deadline or take my time to write until it’s ready.
I mean, it’s my MEMOIR, not a productivity or a book that teaches technical skills. I know only half of what I write will be in the final version, but I want my stories to be fully told at least once!
(2) Scribble through some not so important part to meet the deadline
But seriously, NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE DEADLINE EXCEPT FOR ME! I told the publisher March because I want to get the first draft out before my daughter’s first birthday! The publisher doesn’t expect any deadline from me, and I might end up self-publishing anyway.
It is the symbolic meaning of the deadline that I care about. After I saw what it turned out on these two versions of the timeline, real stress came to me….
Reflections
Encouragement from peers
Last weekend, I finally felt my first burnout from writing the book because of all the stress. Fortunately, I had a call with my friend
He reminded me that I don’t want to rush through anything just because I don’t want to be behind my “ideal” deadline. I want to publish a book I will be proud of years from now!
I was also able to connect with
,who had similar life experiences to running away from our Asian identity and now reembracing it. I felt heard and encouraged after our chat!A new weekly writing record
Just as I was excited to get back to writing after taking the weekend off, I got COVID. I was so frustrated that it might disrupt my already tight timeline. But surprisingly, I was able to write way more! This led me to examine what I was not doing when I was sick so I could write more. I also discuss with my husband how, as a family, we can redesign our routine to support me through meeting a does n’t-have-to-be-impossible deadline of finishing my first draft in March!
Breakthrough in writing
When I started writing this book, I had this chapter that I dreaded writing about because it was very emotionally difficult for me. It’s about losing two of my grandparents unexpectedly in 3 days and not being able to attend their funeral. I finally made it through that chapter. I took as much time as I needed to process my emotions and felt so much lighter afterward!
Snippet of the week
This snippet is about me deciding to give up my visa to work in the States after graduating from Columbia and my final day in New York City before I took my flight.
那時一位同樣也在實習年的中國學生最對我說，「我真的搞不懂為什麼大家那麼想留在美國？美國到底有什麼好的？留在這邊做那些雜七雜八的工作真的有比回國內好嗎？還不都是為了面子才留下來的？」
「嘿啊」我用很台式的口音回答．也許回台灣的薪水沒有那麼優渥、也許回台灣工時比較長．但至少，我還是我母國的公民，我還是能像一個有尊嚴一樣的人活．那裡的人懂我的成長歷程上經歷過的大小事的意義、知道我的家鄉、和我講一樣的笑話．下班後，我能和我講著同一種語言的人吃快炒訐譙上班發生的鳥事，週末的時候，我能回家看我的父母、一起坐在客廳看電視．無論發生什麼事，我都會被愛我的人圍繞者．與其為了一個虛無的美國身份留在異鄉過著沒有人在乎的生活、做著無足輕重的工作，以我的學歷回台灣，我能獲得一個更優渥、更有價值、更有意義的工作，至少那時的我是這麼想的．
最後，我放棄了這個在紐約打拼了一年多想獲得的工作簽證，回到紐約收拾我的行李，準備離開美國．松下老哥問我在紐約有沒有什麼最後的願望清單．
「到康尼島的海邊看日出．」我說．
於是離開那天的清晨四點，松下老哥從酒吧下班後回到家把我叫醒．我們兩個搭著快兩個小時的地鐵到布魯克林的康尼島海邊．兩人累得在沙灘上睡得不省人事，起床的時候太陽都已經照得刺眼，根本沒看到什麼日出．回到家後，我和他說謝謝，便決定一個人徒步的走遍紐約市和那些我熟悉的街道道別．我再度回到哥大校園旁的匈牙利糕餅店，點了一杯自己常喝個咖啡和脆皮巧克力慕斯蛋糕．心裡知道，自己未來若有機會再造訪，不知道會是幾年以後的事了．我最後一次來到時代廣場，看著人來人往的觀光客在炫目的霓虹燈下拍照，自己的人生跑馬燈則不斷飛過我的腦海．
「嗨，我是個專業攝影師，我現在在做一個計畫，想拍攝時代廣場上各種情緒的照片．你的特色剛好很適合代表「憂傷」這個情緒，可以讓我拍張照嗎？」一位年輕男子走過來對我說．
「蛤？喔好可以啊，我現在是真的很憂傷，因為我今天就要永遠的離開美國了．」我尷尬地說．
「你說你要假裝想像自己要離開美國嗎？可以呀，如果對你有幫助的話．」他說．
「不是，我是說我今天真的要離開美國了．」我解釋，但他似乎只是假裝聽懂了我的話．
於是，我在這樣很像鬧劇的但又很經典紐約市的插曲，結束了我在美國也像鬧劇一樣的兩年，和這個令我心碎的城市說再見，踏上回家的路．
Translation (Courtesy of ChatGTP)
At that time, a Chinese student also on an internship year said to me, "I really don't understand why everyone wants to stay in the United States. What's so good about it? Is staying here and doing all sorts of odd jobs really better than going back home? Isn't it all just for the sake of saving face?"
"Hey," I replied with a very Taiwanese accent. Perhaps the salary isn't as high back in Taiwan, perhaps the work hours are longer. But at least, I am still a citizen of my home country, I can live like a person with dignity. People there understand the significance of the events I've experienced as I grew up, know my hometown, and share the same jokes with me. After work, I can eat stir-fry with people who speak the same language as me and complain about the day's annoyances. On weekends, I can go home to see my parents and watch TV together in the living room.
No matter what happens, I am surrounded by people who love me. Rather than staying in a foreign land for a hollow American identity, living a life no one cares about, doing insignificant work, with my qualifications, I could get a better, more valuable, and more meaningful job back in Taiwan. At least, that's what I thought at the time.
Eventually, I gave up the work visa I had struggled over a year to obtain, went back to New York to pack my bags, preparing to leave the United States. Matsushita, an older friend, asked if I had any final wishes in New York.
"To watch the sunrise at Coney Island," I said.
So, at four in the morning on the day of my departure, after Matsushita got off work from the bar, he came home to wake me up. We took nearly two hours of subway to the beach at Coney Island in Brooklyn. Exhausted, we fell asleep on the sand, and by the time we woke up, the sun was already blinding, and we hadn't seen the sunrise at all.
After returning home, I thanked him and decided to walk alone through New York City and say goodbye to the streets I knew well. I went back to the Hungarian pastry shop next to Columbia University, ordered a coffee and a crispy chocolate mousse cake that I used to drink often. Knowing that if I ever had the chance to visit again, I wouldn't know how many years it would be. My last visit to Times Square, watching the bustling tourists taking photos under the dazzling neon lights, my life flashed before my eyes.
"Hey, I'm a professional photographer working on a project to capture various emotions in Times Square. Your look is perfect for representing 'melancholy.' May I take your photo?" a young man approached me and said.
"Huh? Oh sure, I am indeed very sad right now because I'm leaving the United States forever today," I said awkwardly.
"You mean you're pretending to imagine leaving the United States? Sure, if it helps you," he said.
"No, I mean I am actually leaving the United States today," I explained, but he seemed to pretend to understand.
And so, in this comedic yet classic New York City episode, I ended my two years in the United States, which felt like a comedy itself, saying goodbye to this heart-breaking city and heading home.
Preorder my book!
Are you interested in my stories? Do you read Chinese or know someone who reads Chinese that will be interested in my book? Now you can preorder my book! This book, with a tentative title, Made in Taiwan, is estimated to be published in 2024. It will be helpful for anyone who’s exploring who they are and wanting to reinvent their life while battling imposter syndrome. Or anyone interested in living an untraditional life!
See ya next week!
Angie
Yesssss Angie!!!
Great work doubling down on your practice. The passage really made me think. Keep going!