#24 Book Update 03- Writing the Unavoidable Stories

Man, it felt right to do so!

Hey friends,

Welcome to my update! This is a series documenting the process of writing and publishing my Chinese memoir that tells the story of me being Taiwanese, and how I perceived my identity changes over time. This includes studying in the States, quitting my 9-5, becoming an online creator and digital nomad, marrying into a white family, and becoming a mother.

This week, I wrote about doing small experiments before quitting my tech job to pursue my dream of becoming a fitness coach. Below is a throwback to my first and last deadlift competition in 2018, where I won 3rd place with a lift of 225 lbs✌️

How much I wrote this week

This week, I wrote 14834 words, another new record for writing again! I started to be able to drop into writing mode an instant when my kiddo fell asleep. Keeping track of the time and words also made me realistic about how much I can write, because I know exactly how much I can produce in certain mins. No more fantasy. Just gotta trade time for words.

Reflections

I’ve been thinking about ways to avoid telling stories about an intimate relationship pivotal to my career change. I tried, but the writing felt shallow and boring. One afternoon, I decided I needed to experience this discomfort and just wrote it down. I can always delete it from the final version anyway. After I stepped into the discomfort, everything just flowed. And that part of my life finally came alive! Lesson learned: lean more into what scares me!

That said, I don’t think I can ship my first draft before my daughter’s first birthday. But I’ve been able to write more than ever, and I’m happy where I am!

Snippet of the Week

This snippet is about my first Oddysey planning from the book Designing Your Life. I had three versions of life that I could live (1) Keep doing my 9-5 tech job and climb the corporate ladder, which I had absolutely no interest in (2) Become a personal trainer (3) Become a surfer in Hawaii. I also wrote about how doubtful I was that I could one day meet my life partner and become a mother. For English Translation, please see below!

那時非常幸運碰到我所參加的女性科技網絡，邀請史丹佛大學「做自己的生命設計師」的團隊來台北辦實體的線下工作坊．我和其他近五十位的年輕女性，一起進行書中的「奧德賽計畫」練習，為接下來的五年，發想出三種不同的人生版本．很多人因為覺得打不到自己唯一的夢想人生版本而卡住了，而這個練習的目的，就是要幫助我們腦力激盪、去探索不同人生版本的可能性．

第一個是「依續現況繼續發展下去」的人生版本，我極有可能的就沿著公司的梯子爬上去，然後成為一個主管級的職員．也許我能在接下來的幾年找到一個共渡一生的伴侶，甚至生下我的第一個孩子．這個版本的職涯..恩..無聊至極，我實在一點興趣也沒有．

至於找到人生伴侶？這樣的事真的有可能發生在我的身上嗎？更別提成為母親了．雖然我一直是大人中的孩子王，小孩子看到我沒幾分鐘就會黏著我團團轉、把我當成他們最好的朋友，而那時的我也好想、好想要有自己的孩子．我時常想像和我的孩子手牽手走著的背影，和我蹲下身、親親她的臉頰在講他抱起志懷裡的畫面，而這個想像的未來甚至不需要有伴侶的存在！真的有人願意愛我真實的樣子？我是個值得被愛的人麻？我的人生真的有一天可以擁有自己的孩子嗎？我真的有資格成為母親嗎？對於考大學、轉職這種事，不管結果多差，都是想發生就可以發生的．但是對於找到一個願意愛自己的人、或生下自己的孩子這樣的問題，我卻一點答案也沒有．

在「如果第一個人生不在是你可以走的選項，你會怎麼做」的第二個人生版本，我會勇敢的去追尋成為健身教練的「夢想」．我可能在接下來這一年內著手轉職、第二年成為教練、再成為資深教練，然後也許成為場館經理、並晉升為講師．除了這樣的路外，那時的自己並沒有意料到，原來「熱愛健身」這件事也會依據我的樣子，突破傳統框架有了完全不同的發展．而在這個版本裡，我卻沒有寫下結婚生子這件事．也許這說明了當時的我似乎認為離棄傳統成功道路的我，並不是個能找到終生伴侶的人．(現在回頭看，這想法實在有夠愚蠢，難道全世界的健身教練都單身嗎？）

在「如果金錢和名聲不是問題，你會怎麼做」的第三個人生版本裡，我終於完成了心裡最深處最「不切實際」的夢想．我回到了夏威夷，成了天天在白色海灣無憂無慮地衝浪、直到終老的漂泊女子．

那天的自我練習結束後，我和其他的女性分享彼此的奧德賽計畫，才發現原來大家的心中，都有一個暖暖發光的夢想，而每個人都很努力的在為自己生命作改變．工作坊結束後，我回家建立了一個試算表，裡面依據自己不同的興趣和專長列出了最有可能讓我成為數位遊牧民族的不同職涯類別．這裡面包括進入跨國企業的科技公司工作、成為線上家教或接案翻譯這樣比較偏腦力、久坐類型的工作，也有像是健身教練、或常駐在東南亞的自由潛水教練等比較和身體連結、較冒險與不穩定的工作．

「做自己的生命設計師」裡頭還有一個重要的概念，是進行人生實驗．很多時候，我們「以為」我們想要做某種夢想工作，但要實際上任以後，才發現自己對工作實際要做的內容一點興趣也沒有．也因此，在做重要的職涯轉換之前，我們應該想辦法進行小實驗，看看自己是否真的適合那份工作．因此，列出了不同選項後，我就開始調查要進入每個職涯所需的能力條件，並開始著手準備我的小實驗們．

Translation (Courtesy of ChatGTP!)

At that time, I was extremely fortunate to encounter the women in tech network I was part of, which invited the team from Stanford University's "Designing Your Life" program to conduct an in-person workshop in Taipei. Along with nearly fifty young women, we engaged in the "Odyssey Plan" exercise from the book, brainstorming three different life versions for the next five years. Many people get stuck because they feel they can't achieve their one true dream life version. The purpose of this exercise is to help us brainstorm and explore the possibilities of different life versions.

The first version is to continue developing along the current path. I might very well climb the corporate ladder and become a managerial level employee. Perhaps I could find a life partner in the coming years, and even have my first child. This version of career... well... it's extremely boring, and I have absolutely no interest in it.

As for finding a life partner? Is it really possible for something like that to happen to me? Not to mention becoming a mother. I've always been the darling of adults, with children sticking to me and considering me their best friend within minutes of meeting me. I really want, really want to have my own child. I often imagine the silhouette of me walking hand in hand with my child, and me squatting down, kissing her cheek as she holds up her drawing, and this imagined future doesn't even require the presence of a partner!

Is there really someone willing to love me for who I am? Am I worthy of being loved? Can I really have my own child one day? Do I really qualify to be a mother? When it comes to things like college admissions or changing jobs, no matter how poor the results, they can happen if you want them to. But when it comes to finding someone willing to love you or having your own child, I have no assurance at all.

In the second life version of "what would you do if the first life option isn't available," I would bravely pursue my "dream" of becoming a fitness coach. I might start transitioning careers in the next year, become a coach the following year, then become a senior coach, perhaps become a gym manager, and eventually advance to become a lecturer. Besides this path, at that time, I didn't anticipate that "loving fitness" could lead to completely different development beyond traditional frameworks. In this version, however, I didn't mention getting married and having children. Perhaps this indicates that at that time, I seemed to think that leaving the traditional path of success meant I wasn't someone who could find a lifelong partner. (Looking back now, this idea is really stupid. Are all the fitness coaches in the world single?)

In the third life version of "if money and fame were not an issue, what would you do," I finally fulfilled my deepest and most "impractical" dream. I returned to Hawaii and became a carefree wandering woman who surfed in the white bay every day until old age.

After the self-exercise that day, I and other women shared our Odyssey Plans with each other, only to realize that everyone had a warm and glowing dream in their hearts, and each person was working hard to make changes in their lives. After the workshop ended, I went home and created a spreadsheet, listing out different career categories that would most likely allow me to become a digital nomad based on my different interests and skills. This includes working in tech companies of multinational corporations, becoming an online tutor or freelance translator, which are more brain-intensive, sedentary types of work, as well as being a fitness coach, or a resident free diving instructor in Southeast Asia, which are more physically connected, adventurous, and unstable types of work.

"Designing Your Life" also introduces an important concept of conducting life experiments. Many times, we "think" we want to do a certain dream job, but only after actually doing it do we realize we have no interest in the actual content of the work. Therefore, before making important career transitions, we should try to conduct small experiments to see if we really fit that job. So after listing out the different options, I began researching the skills required for each career and started preparing for my small experiments.

Preorder my book!

Thanks to ChatGTP for the cover!

Are you interested in my stories? Do you read Chinese or know someone who reads Chinese that will be interested in my book? Now, you can preorder my book for $10! This book, with a tentative title, Made in Taiwan, is estimated to be published in 2024. It will be helpful for anyone who’s exploring who they are and wanting to reinvent their life while battling imposter syndrome. Or anyone interested in living an untraditional life!

Thank you for reading!

See ya next week!

Angie